Why Aren't You Cumming, Dear?

Published in Mayspace dated Saturday, March 24, 2007


A lady friend once told me how stressful she was when having sex with her hubby. I was driving her from the air port when an innocent conversation took a turn to that red district. Don't blame me, I drove the car and she drove the conversation...


"Hmm...", I just looked at her. "Sex is a stress reliever, not a source of stress", I said while glancing at her.


"Just imagine, I've tried everything, but he couldn't cum. I know he also tried so hard to cum, but in the end, we just called it off...". I burst into laughter. Loud at first, and ended with a long chuckle. She was not laughing at all. She was dead serious.


After I relaxed myself a bit, still with that evil smile, I asked, "How long was it? Did you come?" "Almost one and half hours! Penat tau... I memang la cum a couple of times... I dunno laa, I've tried everything, and nothing works." I knew she think that it was her fault that her hubby can't shoot. She thought that she was not attractive anymore. She thought that she was not good enough anymore. She thought that she was not tight anymore.


And... She believed that her hubby also thought the same, that she was not attractive, not good enough in bed, and not tight anymore. That's where the stress and frustration came from. Hmmm... I guess sex is not a simple matter for some couples.


"Look", I said. "You and your hubby should look at sex from a different perspective.". I glanced at her and saw her wrinkled her forehead. "Your hubby don't need cum. Men don't need to ejacuate when having sex. Ejaculation and orgasm are two different things. He can have orgasm without ejaculation", I said.


"Is that true? If men don't ejaculate, if the sperms doesn't go out, won't it cause any problems in men?", she asked.


"It is not like he can't shoot at all for the whole year, right?", I said.


"Hmmm... Perhaps you can look at sex as a journey that both you and your hubby travelled together. The journey may started when you hold hands with your hubby, rub the back of his head and smile, and then he carass the length of your arm, you know, those long foreplay thingy... Then you started having sexual intercourse, with whatever positions you have... till the end, right"


"See... the journey is long. The ending just few seconds. So enjoy the long journey..". "As far as the ejaculation, just take it as a bonus. If it happen, then good for both of you. If it doesn't, just enjoy the long sexual intercourse and finish it up with cuddling and sweet talking each other."


"This is wierd.. Don't you men need to ejaculate?", she asked, again.... "It is not a must in every intercourse. When you and your hubby believe that ejacuation is a must, then both of you become stressed out when ejacuation did not happen.", I said.


"If both of you can accept that ejaculation is not a neccessity, your sexual journey will be more pleasant and enjoyable...", I said.


I know that it is difficult for her to take that, let alone to get her hubby to agree. Our society is rooted with the belief that men must ejaculate during a sexual intercourse. So, when it doesn't happen, both the partners stressed out.


Sigh...