Saturday, March 26, 2011

[Listen] Addicted To Sex?

"You are addicted to sex... it's somekind of mental disorder...", she said...

We had lunch... It's nice to have lunch sometimes. The calamari and chips tasted so much better than the chocolate bar I had for luch the day earlier...

"Yeah, maybe I am... but is it bad to get addicted to such a beautiful thing?", I asked her. She smiled. She had a beautiful smile.

"All addiction is considered mental disorder. It's something we Malaysian do not take seriously...". Well, she's a psychology student. She learn these thing. I never learn those. With all the campaign on drug addiction, the word "addict" always carry a very negative connotation.

We had a good conversation I supposed. She tried to analyse me along the way. Maybe it's because of the relationship with my dad? How will this affect my family and kids? I may lose focus to my family because of all this addiction, and they may grow up not as good as they should be....

And since I love sex so much with others, I may had married the wrong person and shud leave her... Well.. I dunno how that will effect the growth of those kids if I were to do that, I supposed... So while we had our conversation, conflicting things run into my mind...

Well I guess we can't be living trying to satisfy everyone. Bill Cosby said, "I don't know the secret to success, but the secret to failure is trying to satisfy everyone...". But I guess we can always try to make everyone happy. If I can make my family very happy, and at the same time I'm able to make myself happy, hey, why not?

This is how I wanna think from now on, whether I will be labelled as an addict or not, it doesn't matter. If I'm a blacksmith, I want to be good at turning metals into useful stuffs. Whether I use my own tools, or I borrow useful tools from a friend, it doesn't matter. I am good at what I'm doing. I am better than anyone else, and that's what I aiming for.

Same thing if I'm a baker. I wanna be excellent with my bakery skills. I may have to learn from so many people, but those are the experience I need to be an excellent baker. Will I be an addict to the perfection in the sills of bakery? So be it... I'll be proud of it..

Same as  sex. So I'm an addict? I'll be proud of it.... coz I know that not many people can do what I can....


Thursday, March 24, 2011

[Listen] Strange Conversation About Love, Sex And Marriage

Previously published in Myspace dated 13 Aug 2007

I watched CSI:NY today, and one the detectives said that there are 3 types of tears. The tears that is emotionally triggered will contains higher traces of manganese and potassium. So based on the tear samples, they will be able to know whether their suspect is genuinely sad or just faking.

But I am no CSI detective.

"Since I have to marry someone without love, I may as well marry a single, right?", she said while starring at her half empty glass of teh tarik. Ahhh, I don't know which one is more appropriate to say, whether it's half empty or half full... But I was just keeping my silence, and look directly into her eyes, listening.

"The person I loved can't marry me. He don't even want to see me or talk to me anymore. Now what should I do? I don't even want anyone else but him. But I can't be with him. So you tell me, what else I should do?"

"I think I can marry a guy, pretend that I love him. Genuinely taking care of him and the house, and bare his child, I mean MY child. I know I will not love him as my heart has gone to someone else, but I can fuck my husband and get pregnant without love, right?", she said with tears. I am no CSI detective, but I knew that there are a lot of manganese and potassium in those tears....

"Damn! Why me??? Why I always have to face this???". Crying.

She is single and she fall in love with a wrong man. She don't even want to fall in love with that guy, but her love was so deep. So deep that it's hurt her more than it make her happy. But many times she told me how grateful she was to be able to feel that kind of love. Many people can just talk or read or imagine about that kind of love, but she felt it and was changed by it. Unfortunately, that guy is now a history.

"How about F? He loved you... I know he's married with kids, but he loved you. The only reason he didn't marry you was because of his family, right? But that was 10 years ago, and now his family had regretted for going against you, right? He still love you till today.", I broke my silence. I knew F. I have a lot of respect towards F although I'd never met him. Everything I knew about F I knew from her.

"But I don't love F. I can't love anyone anymore, damnit! (cry again) That's why I said, since I can't love my future husband, might as well I marry a single guy, and pretend that I loved him...", she said, trumbling. Tears still flowing down her cheeks...

"You knew this single guy?", I asked, refering to the single guy she was talking about.

"We had a long conversation over the phone last night, from 12 midnight till 5:30am. He talked about a lot of things. But I know, once I'm with him, my love and sex life will all be gone. What I experienced in the past will never come back...", she said. I knew what she meant. The deep emotion he had was somehow related to her sexual relationship with her previous boyfriend. That's what she said to me before, that it was the sex with him that brought out that deep love, deep emotion. So now she believe that she will not find love anymore.

I sipped my teh tarik slowly. "We can't see our future. Whether you love a person or not, it is not a guarantee for a happy life... But it seems to me that you simply want a child with this guy...", I said, slowly.

She inhale slowly, and exhale. "Yes, that's all I want, and I wish that my child will be the source of my future happiness. I know I can't love my husband, but I know I can love my child."

I just nodded. I nodded without any good reason. It is not because I agreed with what she said nor because I think that she had a good plan for her life. Infact, I think her life plan is terrible and she took a huge gamble. But I guess I nodded because just like anything else in this uncertain world, any decision she take may lead to a good life.

Now I think as if a glass is half full instead of half empty, otherwise I'll say that any decision she take may lead to a miserable life...

[HitTheRoad] The Virgin Massagee

Previously published in Myspace dated 3 Aug 2007

I was in the taxi from Bangkok airport to Amari Atrium Hotel. As I expected, the taxi driver would want to help me to get thai girls for massage, full package, everything included. While I'm not particularly interested to have that kind of sexual experience, I innocently asked questions for the sake of asking...

Will the massage include sex? How long is it per session? How much is it? Are the girls young...? You know, standard questions. Yes, the massage will include all sexual acts I ever dreamt of, 2 hours per session, for 2300 to 2500 baht, and I can choose my girls from the display. Thanks, but no thanks.

But that was during my arrival Tuesday night when I was tired. Today is Thursday, and I'm all fresh... hahaha...

I entered the building. Very nice, cosy, and traditional thai ambient. Aromateraphy candles everywhere, giving relaxing mood and exotic sight. A young lady came, and my thai friend talked to her, telling her what I want - 2 hours of massage. And I want a private room. And I am a virgin massagee, so please be gentle....
After paying upfront, we were pointed to a seat. Waiting period for Thursday night is about 5 minutes.

Weekends? Perhaps hours... Then we were called, and we entered another hall with seats. We took out our shoes, and I was introduced to my massuer, a pretty lady of mid 20's. Was I nervous? A little bit. She took my shoes and gave me a pair of slipper. She kept the shoe, and gesture me to follow her. We went to the 3rd floor.

The room was nice, airconditioned, clean sheet, and very aromatic. Slow music played in the background. My massuer disappeared and came back with loose garment I supposed to wear, and the she left. I closed the door, stripped naked, and get change. Then I opened the door and sit on the bad. Waiting.

Not long after, she came and closed the door. She asked me to lay down. She asked whether I need another pillow, but I said no. I still was kinda nervous. Slowly, she started. First with both my feet, then the whole left legs till the upper thigh, and then she did the same to the right leg. The leg works took a good 40 minutes. She used everything - thumb, palm, elbows, arms and her body weight to do the massage.

Then she started to do my hand. It wasn't long before I fall asleep! I was awaken by a phone call. Damnit!! My boss called due to a customer meeting he supposed to attand tommorow. He need to attend that meeting because I'm in Bangkok. Padan muka dia...

After I hang up my bos, she asked me to turn, and started to do my back. Again, thumb, palm, elbows, arms were used. Not only being massaged, my body were stretched and pulled to its limit. Then she go down to my butt and my legs again. When done, she asked whether I want her to do my head. I said yes... I know I won't regret that.. hahaha...

She started working with my head, my neck and my upper body. Then again, body stretches and pulls... I felt so amazing.

2 hours, and I was done. I gave her a tip for such a plesent experience. An experience I'll never forget.

Total cost? 250 baht for the massage, 100 baht for the room, and 120 baht for the tips. In ringgit - roughly about RM47. Not so bad for a 2 hours massage.

Now I no longer a virgin massagee...

Ahhh... that massage place I went even has a website -->